Thanks for the Free Movies, Bucko
filed on Saturday, July 08, 2006 at 2:00:40 AM CST

So, tonight I ventured out into the world beyond and visited the Kerasotes 12 in Bolingbrook to take in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.  The evening started off with me getting to the theater at about 8:30, and seeing that the next showing is 9:40.  I figure I'll just wait it out or go to the bookstore or whatever, but as I buy the ticket, the guy behind the counter says they're starting the line already, and asks if I'll be sticking around, so I figure I'll stand in line and get a good seat.

This very nice woman is standing there keeping all of us company the whole time, talking to us, making jokes, and just being very friendly.  I have to say, it made the time pass quickly, and at about 9:10 they let us in to sit and await the movie.  I go up to the back row and take the middle seat.

Shortly thereafter, four or five teenage girls come up and sit down near me, and one of them sits down next to me and asks if she can sit there.  I'm like, "Sure."  Well, then I hear them all giggling and talking, and I hear the words, "Wow, he's hot."  She then asks if she can wear my glasses, and so I'm like, sure, and they're all smiling and laughing, and I'm sitting there getting a kick out of this little teenage crush they've all suddenly got on me.  It was cute, and a bit flattering.

We wait until the movie starts, and everyone settles in, and starts enjoying the movie.  Well, about half an hour before the movie ends, this guy in front of me turns around and looks dead at me and is like, "Would you quit fucking kicking my seat?"

Now, I haven't touched his seat, and this is the first damned time he says anything about it, and is a rude little prick, so I snap back, "I haven't touched your fucking seat."  So he turns to the girl sitting next to me and is like, "Was it her?"  Then he says, "Quit fucking kicking my seat," to her.

Well, now her friends are wondering what's going on, because this prick's making a quiet little scene, so she quietly turns and says, "He just told me to quit kicking his seat, and I never touched it."

The jerk turns back around and is like, "Shut the fuck up!"

Okay, now I'm getting angry.  This guy's being a fucking asshole about something that, had it even happened, was an accident, but I don't think she kicked his seat either.  So I snap, "Why don't you shut the fuck up?"

Now it's on.  He starts snapping at me to shut the fuck up, and I'm just sitting there responding with "Why don't you?"  Finally, he looks over at his buddy who's two seats down and is like, "You want to help me out with him?"  So I just cock my eyebrow and ask, "What ya gonna do?"

He's sitting there fuming at me now, and talking to his girlfriend, and quietly talking about how he's going to beat my ass.  Meanwhile, his buddy's girlfriend has run out to the manager to tell them that I'm causing problems.  So the manager comes in, then goes out, gets the security guy, comes back in, and the security guy asks me to come with him.  In the middle of one of the biggest action sequences in the movie.  As I'm following him out, I'm just like, "I sure hope you plan on escorting the other guy out too then."

Well, I get outside the theater in the hallway, and I'm like, "So what's this about," and the manager's like, "They say you were kicking that guy's chair and threatening to kick his ass."  My jaw drops.  I'm like, "No, he turned around because someone supposedly kicked his chair, starts telling people to stop kicking it, the girl next to me tells her friend what's going on, and he starts yelling at us all to shut the fuck up."

So there's a female manager there to who says, "Well, sorry to pull you out, but when we get a complaint, we have to investigate.  Sorry for making you miss a couple of minutes of the movie," and the male manager says, "You can go on back and watch the rest of it."

Half of me is like, "Screw this, I'm done," but then the other half of me is like, "Oh hell no, that bitch ass punk isn't getting the better of me."  So I walk back in, climb the stairs back to my seat, sit down right behind the guy and proceed to watch the rest of the movie.

Movie ends, punk ass bitch stands up and he's STILL fuming at me, turns and starts eyeing me.  I just shrug at him and roll my eyes.  After he walks off, the girls all sort of swarm around me, and are like, "What'd they say to you when they took you out?"  I tell them that his girlfriend said I'd threatened to kick his ass.  One of the girls asks, "Did you?" and one of the two sitting closest to me at the same time says, "That never happened."

Well, the one who had first came over and sat next to me is like, "We're sorry if we got you in trouble," and I'm just like, "It wasn't your fault.  The guy just has issues."  And then she's like, "Well thanks anyway."

Now, the friendly woman who had kept us company had told us that there was something to watch at the end of the credits, so I'm sitting there waiting, and the girl comes back up to me about halfway through and she's like, "We talked to the managers and let them know you didn't do anything," so now I'm thanking her.

I finish up watching the credits, leave the theater just thinking I could ask for a ticket so I could see the movie again uninterrupted, but I just don't care, and want to head home.  So I get into the hall, and walk by the manager and the security guy who are standing there, and head for the bathroom.  On my way there, I see the pack of girls again, and they all stop to say thank you to me again.  I'm like, "Really, it wasn't your fault, it's all good."

Then the manager guy comes up and is like, "The girls who were seated next to you came and talked to us and said you hadn't done what the others had said, and we already pretty much figured that you hadn't, so I want to apologize for pulling you out like that."  Then he hands me two movie passes to come and enjoy a couple of movies for the inconvenience.

And thus tonight's game of Punk Ass Bitch was over, and I won two free tickets.

I'll review Pirates after I've watched it uninterrupted... I will say this though... damned fine movie for what I saw.