A New Use for Novocaine
filed on Friday, August 05, 2005 at 2:27:24 AM CST

WARNING: This article is not intended for the more squeamish or medically disinclined.  The very fact that an article of such nature appears on my site is  a miracle in and of itself, but don't say I didn't warn you...

Sorry to be rather behind on my entries lately.  It's been quite an interesting time lately, not the least of which was a trip to the Bolingbrook Medical  Center last Tuesday morning (late July, not August) at about 2:30 in the morning.  You see, I woke up Monday morning with what appeared to be a small pimple  on my right testicle.  It wasn't painful or anything exciting, so I figured it was just that.  A small pimple.  Nothing to be worried about.  Well, by that  evening, it had turned itself into a open, red, orange-pink puss-oozing wound.  Not quite sure how that happened, but I figured I'd better get it cleaned up.   So I took some peroxide and cleaned it up as best I could, applied some Neosporin to it, and then went about my business.  At about 2:30 in the morning, I  went to the bathroom, and decided I should check it out.  Well, now my right testicle was swollen, quite a bit, it was numb, and it was oozing lots and lots  of puss.

Needless to say, I was immediately alarmed, and decided it was best not to wait until the morning.  So I threw on some clothes, hopped in my car, and drove  on over to the Bolingbrook Medical Center.  I had one brief pang of, "What am I doing?" as I pulled into the parking lot, but then, I decided I'd just have  to swallow my pride, and have it looked at, because there was no way I was letting something fester in such an important area of my anatomy.

This is where the tale turns a bit weird, because anyone that knows me personally (and many others who have spoken to me, but may not have met me in person)  knows that I'm terribly squeamish.  Like, the thought of needles and blood is usually enough to set me off.  Discussion of things of a medical nature makes  me cringe.  In fact, the only reason I didn't pass out at a routine pysical where they drew blood was because my mother started talking about the nice,  freshly-oxygenated dark blood that was flowing into the syringe.  Since she was a Licensed Practical Nurse for many years, that statement shocked me, because  freshly-oxygenated blood is bright red... the dark red blood is on its way back to the heart and lungs.  Anyway, scientific processes aside, I'm usually  horribly squeamish.

Well, I walked on into the center, sat down with a nurse, and simply said, "Well, it's a bit of a situation, but my right testicle..." and told her calmly  about what went on.  She said a doctor would be with me shortly, and sent me to a receptionist to take all of my information.  Ironically, my file from when  I'd last visited the place in my Junior year of High School was still there, and they were able to look me up by my social security number.  Processing all  finished, I was soon in my little curtained area, sitting in a robe, my pants and underwear over at a chair on the side.

The doctor, this very nice, polite Indian woman, came in and took a look.  After looking at it for awhile, she decided it needed to be lanced, that she'd  give me novocaine for a local anesthetic, shoot me with an antibiotic, and give me an IV drip.  For a brief second, I thought, "This is it..."  And then I  decided I really wanted to know all about what was going on.  So when the male nurse came in to set up the IV, I just sat there and watched.  As the doctor  shot me with novocaine, I winced, and grabbed the side of my bed, but still paid attention to what was going on.  When I was lanced, I quickly discovered  novocaine doesn't work as well as one would hope for that kind of thing.  Still, it wasn't horribly painful.  The real pain came when she started packing the  now wide-open wound with gauze.  Wow.  Not my idea of fun.

She gave me a prescription for some amoxicillin combo, and for vicodin for the pain.  Instructed me to take the next two days off of work, and to contact my  regular care physician.  I'm glad she gave me the days off, because I was moving like a snail for well into the weekend.  It's not a fun way to walk, having  gauze and such going on down in a rather sensitive area.  But that wasn't the end of the real fun.

See, I went in Wednesday to see my regular doctor (the first time I've seen him... you know, I've got insurance, but I'm not even 32 yet, so I'm still fairly  invulnerable — or at least I was), and he's taking a look at it, and getting ready to re-pack it with gauze (the old packing had fallen out, and the ER  doctor had said that it shouldn't be a big deal).  He takes his tweezers and is poking around (which I definitely did not enjoy at all), and then snags  something and pulls.  Out comes this hideous looking brownish-reddish glob that's about 2/3rds the length of a Mike & Ike, and looked to be about the same  size around.  "What the hell was that?" I asked, now getting a bit nervous.

"It looks like it's a sebaceous cyst."  The word cyst echoes in my head, and I immediately ask, "Is that a sign of a more complicated issue?"

That's when he explains to me what a sebaceous cyst is.  Basically, it's a bunch of skin oil that becomes pressurized under the skin, caused typically by a  clogged pore.  Nothing to worry about.  Apparently what happened was the pimple was it trying to break out, but of course, it was too large by that point.   Then the pore really opened, because in the process it got infected, and created an abscess.  He tells me he thinks the whole thing came out, and so  everything should heal nicely.  I went through quite a number of daily packing changes, and at this point, everything seems to be healing up nicely.

So, anyhow, that's how last week and early this week went.  I'm currently on vacation, and spending time with my brother, who came up here to see me since I  wasn't able to go to Florida (after all, it's very hard to get your packing changed by your doctor when you're in another state, and there was no way I would  have been able to drive down there in that condition anyway... not without significant pain).  I'll start filling in some of the fun stuff we've been doing  since he's been up here now that I'm getting back on track with this wonderful little blog.  But I figured I'd share the main reason I hadn't been blogging  first...

I apologize for the gross detail, but hey... I'm actually amazed that I was able to survive the gross details in person.  Strangely out of character for me.   heh